The Beauty of the Regular Day

I was just reading a blog post by Lisa Jo Baker about how the ordinary days which seem to drag on have so many special little memories in them and it made me think. 

For the most part, I enjoy the regular daily routine pretty well.  We do sometimes do special things with our kids, but those days always require so much planning, packing, planning some more, and lots of extra effort to ensure that everyone has the right ammount of sleep and naps to be able to really enjoy the day.  Those special days are special and they are needed, but the regular days are wonderful in their own rights. The regular days can sometimes be tough, but in some ways they are so easy as well.  With everyone at home and in our daily routine there is no extra planning to be done.  We have a little routine but we also have a little freedom to vary our activities in our play time together. 

E got new trucks in the mail from his grandparents the other day.

 

Perhaps I'm nostalgic over the regular days this morning because of how wonderfully smooth last night and this morning went at our house.  My oldest (now 18.5 month) was such a good little boy last night.  He ate supper well and then played, got a bath, and played some more.  We never reached the foul moodiness that typically occurs close to a toddler bedtime.  He was just genuinly happy and content so I allowed him to stay up an extra 30 minutes (mostly so that I could continue watching him play). 

 

Baby A enjoys conversations with Mommie

Baby girl (now 3 months old) was also very content last night. She ate a bottle when we got home, sat in her bouncy seat while we ate supper, and then slept in our arms until after her brother went to bed. Then we woke her to change her clothes and diaper and feed her before we all settled in for the night. She didn't wake up until 4:30 this morning.

 
This morning after feeding baby girl, I put her down on the bed with her Daddy while I went to dress for work.  15 minutes later when I picked her up to go settle on the couch and feed her just a tiny bit more before we got her dressed, she didn't care to eat because she was too busy smiling up at me.  We talked and played for a few minutes before we got Toddler E up. 

Once Toddler E gets up in the mornings, I get to have my favorite part of the day.  I sit on the couch with a child on each side of my lap and we all cuddle together while we watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Toddler E works to get his eyes open.  E frequently asks for "bite-bites" (food, usually a granola bar) and his "tea" (sippy cup with water and a splash of sweet tea) so we sit there letting him take his time eating before I get the kiddos dressed. 

Dressing both kids is a task that sometimes goes well and sometimes doesn't.  Baby A is never any trouble because she's still too little to put up a fight.  This morning I dressed her in a sweet little bubble suit that she'd never worn before.  She looked beautiful, cool, and comfy and was still in a wonderful mood.  I then grabbed Toddler E's clothes and sat myself and Baby A down in the floor near him.  Dressing him was somewhere between good and bad.  He was busy playing with his toys and wasn't thrilled about stopping.  We got it done none-the-less and headed out the door on time. 

When we got to daycare, E's two best buddies were both already there. He was excited and ready to play. I took the kids in and by the time I handed Baby A to the teacher, E was rolling in the floor playing with his buddies. He didn't even know I was gone.

It's been a beautifully routine night/morning and, right now, I can't wait to go pick up my kids and do it again. 

Where do you find beauty in your daily routine?

The Stages of "My Baby Isn't Sleeping" Grief Process

So today as I arrive at my desk and try to begin my bleary eyed day, I know that it will be a struggle to remain awake through the 2 meetings I have much less be capable of preparing for them.  Last night Baby E was up for almost 3 hours.  The first time was around 11pm and was fairly short lived.  He got back to sleep reasonably easily and then I followed and we made it until 2:30 am before we were up again.  By 4 am I was in tears from exhaustion having completely cycled through the "My Baby Isn't Sleeping" greif process.  It was around that time that I finally begain putting all the pieces of the puzzle together and realized that we were dealing with a tummy ache. 

Normally, Baby E sleeps very well and only lately has begun waking once during the night to eat.  I hear this is part of the normal adjustment to our transition from formula to whole milk and that soon he will get the hang of eating more table food and return to sleeping through the night.  So when our 11 pm feeding was short lived I returned to bed with the delusion of sleeping the remainder of the night undisturbed.  WRONG! 

At 2:30 Baby E woke me up screaming "MOMMIE".  I looked at the monitor and knew he was safe, but still this was so unlike him that I rushed across the house suspecting some bad dream had startled him and he was scared. 

At this point we enter the grief process...

Phase 1 - Delusion.  We settled in in the rocking chair and he clamed down.  I suspected this would be another quick cuddle session and we'd both be back to sleep in 15 minutes. 

Unfortunately, Baby E just couldn't get comfortable.  This isn't too unusual so we rocked and he squirmed around.  After 10 minutes of rocking/squirming I suspected that he was just stiff and sore from playing all day and needed to be put into his crib to finish going to sleep.  So I laid him down and patted his back for another 5-10 minutes expected that he would go back to sleep.  Again this didn't work.  He was even more squirmy, tossing and tumbling around and periodically looking up at me as if to say, "Mom, fix this!". 

Phase 2 - Desperation.  As we neared 3am, my thoughts began to turn to the fact that neither of us was going to be our best the next day if we don't both get back to sleep.  So I reached the despration phase where you are willing to try anything.  "Maybe you're hungry?"... I scooped him back up and we went back to the couch with more food.  Two sips of bottle and he was done with that.  He tries to go back to sleep but again he was squirmy.  "Maybe you just need a little more Mommie time?... Let's get back to sleep then I'll lay on the couch with you for a while."  15 minutes of that and nope, he was still squirmy.  "More bottle?" No. "More Cuddles?" No. "More Rocking?" Nope.  "Please just go to sleep!"

Baby E was not comfy and could not get comfy.  He would on occasion lay still in my arms but his eyes were wide open just staring at me.  I thought, "Is he even sleepy?"  Ahhh... moving to the next phase

Phase 3 - Irritation.  Now it's almost 3:30 am.  We've been up for an hour and Baby E doesn't seem interested in going to sleep.  I'll give him one more shot.  We'll rock and go through our bedtime routine then I'll lay him down.  He can sleep or he can SCREAM.  I DON"T CARE! 

So that's what we tried next.  10 minutes of rocking and a story.  Then 5 minutes of rocking and lulliby, then 10 more minutes of back patting while he lays in the crib.  Still he is squirming and tossing and turning.  I kissed him and told him it was bedtime then left the room.  By the time I hit the door the screaming had started again.  UGH!  I was tired and at this point knew that Baby E just hated me and didn't want me to sleep.  So I grabbed the monitor from beside the bed and let him fuss.  I alerted the hubby as to what was going on and told him that in a few minutes I might need him to try soothing Baby E. 

After 15 minutes of fussing, I decided that I would give it one more good try.  I grabbed him and rocked him then tried to settle in on the couch.  Again he was super squirmy but after a couple minutes he settled in and almost got to sleep.  I laid him down thinking that he was going to bed, but the screaming started again. 

Phase 4 - Exhaustion.  Now it's 4am.  I went and got the hubby but after we talked for a couple minutes I decided that there was no use in him getting up.  By this time, even if I laid down it would be just 30 minutes or so until my 5am alarm clock so at this point I might as well just stay up.  As I walked back to Baby E's room the tears began to fall.  I grabbed Baby E and told him that he wasn't being fair.  Mommie needs her sleep too.  Mommie is tired and has to work in the morning.  Please, please, please just go to sleep. 

Rocking him in my arms I walked back to the couch in the living room while crying and again tried to settle him in to sleep on my chest.  Again it wasn't happening.  Eventually, I gave up on sleep all together.  I just laid him down on the couch beside me and watched him.  He was on his tummy scrunching his knees up in under himself, squirming, and whining a little.  That's when it hit me.... He does that when his tummy hurts! 

Phase 5 - Guilt (the optional phase).  So this whole time he was trying to tell me that he was hurting but I wasn't listening.  It was only when I reached the point of pure exhaustion and gave up on either of us ever sleeping again that I realized what was happening.  I grabbed him and stretched him on his tummy across my knees and bounced him.  He tooted a few times and within a couple of minutes was drooling on my arm then tried to move to a more comfortable spot to go to sleep. 

He crawled up on me a little more and rolled over onto his back.  I kept some pressure on his tummy with my hand and more gas came out.  By 4:30 he was asleep in his own bed and I was back in mine.  I reset the alarm for 5:30 instead of 5:00 and decided to try to sleep for a few minutes. 

Phase 6 - The Hangover.  I did get up and dressed at 5:30.  Then I ate breakfast and went to wake up Baby E to get him dressed for daycare.  I turned on a dim light and he woke a little.  When I picked him up he went right back to sleep on my shoulder.  He was so sleepy this morning that he slept through me taking of his pajamas, changing his diaper, and putting on his clothes.  He only woke when we were ready to walk out the door to get in the car.  I kind of envy him for that. 

I've never seen him sleep through a diaper change.  In fact, they usually wake him so much that I do my best not to change a diaper in the middle of the night.  Today I'm certain will be a tough day for him at daycare.  He was still very tired and needed more sleep.  Hopefully, he'll take a couple of nice long naps for them.  As for me, I'll struggle through my workday being minimally productive.  If I'm lucky, my 2 meeting will be interesting enough to hold my attention and prevent me from falling asleep.  If I'm unlucky, I'll be awakened by the sound of my head hitting my desk.  And that is just the first day... to me, the second day is always worse than the first day. 

So there you have it, my 6 stages of the "My Baby Isn't Sleeping" Grief Process.  What do you think?  Are they acurate or am I completely off base?

Frustrations

I have a confession.  Sometimes I get frustraited with my baby.   Not just a little... a lot!   He is now 4 1/2 months old and usually he's completely adorable.  But since he's learned how to roll over, he sometimes uses that little trick to express his frustration.  If he's sitting on my lap and decides he's not comfortable or isn't happy, he'll arch his back and roll to his left.  It makes it very difficult to hang onto him and is incredibly frustrating when you're trying to feed him. 

At times he's just cranky and it doesn't matter what you do, he's not satisfied.  As his mommie, it's my job to make it better but I sometimes just can't figure it out.  Incidently the answer is usually that he's tired but doesn't want to go to sleep.  But in those 30 minutes or so before I realize what's happening, I can become so stressed that I almost get angry.

These isn't the first times I've been frustraited with him though.  When he was a newborn we had a couple of days and nights when it just seemed like he screamed nonstop.  He has never cried much so this was torture for me.  I just couldn't figure out what was wrong.  After 48 straight hours without any real sleep, I was exceptionally frustraited.  It was at that point that I understood how someone could shake a baby.  Please understand that I never shook him, but I was frustraited and exhausted and I suddenly saw how someone could be driven to that.  It turned out that he had a very upset tummy and switching formulas made a world of difference.  But that 2 day period almost broke me.  At one point I even sat on the couch and cried with him for a couple hours just to let go of some of the stress. 

Then there are the men in our lives... I love my husband dearly.  He is a wonderful man and a great father to our baby boy.  But he's still a man.  Over the last few days we've been working on getting Eli to sleep in his own bed instead of ours.  We want him to start sleeping in the pack-n-play in our bedroom so that we can later make the transition to the crib in his room.  This means that for the first few days I was up 3-4 times a night soothing him.  I typically got him and was out of our bedroom before he started screaming.  I would be up for 1 or 2 hours trying to lay him back down 3 or 4 times during that period.  To say I wasn't getting much sleep would be an understatement.  By the 4th night without sleep, I was at the point that I was HURTING.  I mean in physical pain due to lack of sleep.  My back ached so bad that I had to take a Tylenol to get comfortable so that I could go to sleep. 

About day 3 of this little weekend sleep-routine adventure I began to get irritable.  I would sit in the living room holding baby boy at 2 in the morning and become almost angered by the sound of my husband snoring in the other room.  How dare he sleep when I was so tired?!  Then around mid afternoon on day 4, I was saying how tired I was and he had the audacity to say that he was tired too.  "Ha!" I thought.  "I've not slept a full night in 4 days and you're tired." 

Even my poor doggies have taken some abuse due to my sleep deprivation and frustraition.  I've fussed at them without cause some this week or for shaking their heads and jinggling the tags on their collars as I worried they might wake the baby and disturb the few minutes of sleep I do get. 

Looking back now I know that me being the sleep deprived one was best for everyone.  Baby boy doesn't do well when his daddy tries to get him to sleep and daddy runs out of patience far too easily.  And to be perfectly honest, when my husband fails to get enough sleep, he is so cranky that I can't really deal with him.
As for the dogs, they are natrually forgiving creatures, and I'll have to be sure to bring them a new bone home from the grocery store

My point is this... During the journey of motherhood, I believe that it is common to become frustraited with your children, your husband, work colleagues, everyone and everything around you.   In fact, it is virtually inevitable.  What we can control is how we react to it and how we let it change us.  Take time, step back, and examine the situation.  When I do that, I can remember that this time with my baby boy when he needs and wants me around will be far too brief.  So if I am exhausted, angry, stressed, irritable, and frustraited with the world around me, I can take a deep breath and stop for a minute to enjoy the extra time with my baby boy... even at 2 in the morning.