Happy V-Day folks!
So this morning I was dressing Baby E and I got a nice purple snowman shirt on him before it ever dawned on me that today was Valentines day. Hey! I'm a busy gal. Most days I'm doing good to know what day of the week it is; forget about knowing the date.
So anyway, when I realized it, I went and found a black and red shirt. No it wasn't really Valentinesy, but it did have red on it. To be honest, he looked more like a lumberjack than anything.
To be honest, I don't see any point in buying a Valentines Day shirt for him every year. If we get one in a hand-me-down bag, great! But I'm not about to go spend $15-$20 for a new shirt for every holiday. We'll make do with what we already have or we'll go without.
Does that make me a bad mom? Maybe.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Thursday, February 7, 2013
The Stages of "My Baby Isn't Sleeping" Grief Process
So today as I arrive at my desk and try to begin my bleary eyed day, I know that it will be a struggle to remain awake through the 2 meetings I have much less be capable of preparing for them. Last night Baby E was up for almost 3 hours. The first time was around 11pm and was fairly short lived. He got back to sleep reasonably easily and then I followed and we made it until 2:30 am before we were up again. By 4 am I was in tears from exhaustion having completely cycled through the "My Baby Isn't Sleeping" greif process. It was around that time that I finally begain putting all the pieces of the puzzle together and realized that we were dealing with a tummy ache.
Normally, Baby E sleeps very well and only lately has begun waking once during the night to eat. I hear this is part of the normal adjustment to our transition from formula to whole milk and that soon he will get the hang of eating more table food and return to sleeping through the night. So when our 11 pm feeding was short lived I returned to bed with the delusion of sleeping the remainder of the night undisturbed. WRONG!
At 2:30 Baby E woke me up screaming "MOMMIE". I looked at the monitor and knew he was safe, but still this was so unlike him that I rushed across the house suspecting some bad dream had startled him and he was scared.
At this point we enter the grief process...
Phase 1 - Delusion. We settled in in the rocking chair and he clamed down. I suspected this would be another quick cuddle session and we'd both be back to sleep in 15 minutes.
Unfortunately, Baby E just couldn't get comfortable. This isn't too unusual so we rocked and he squirmed around. After 10 minutes of rocking/squirming I suspected that he was just stiff and sore from playing all day and needed to be put into his crib to finish going to sleep. So I laid him down and patted his back for another 5-10 minutes expected that he would go back to sleep. Again this didn't work. He was even more squirmy, tossing and tumbling around and periodically looking up at me as if to say, "Mom, fix this!".
Phase 2 - Desperation. As we neared 3am, my thoughts began to turn to the fact that neither of us was going to be our best the next day if we don't both get back to sleep. So I reached the despration phase where you are willing to try anything. "Maybe you're hungry?"... I scooped him back up and we went back to the couch with more food. Two sips of bottle and he was done with that. He tries to go back to sleep but again he was squirmy. "Maybe you just need a little more Mommie time?... Let's get back to sleep then I'll lay on the couch with you for a while." 15 minutes of that and nope, he was still squirmy. "More bottle?" No. "More Cuddles?" No. "More Rocking?" Nope. "Please just go to sleep!"
Baby E was not comfy and could not get comfy. He would on occasion lay still in my arms but his eyes were wide open just staring at me. I thought, "Is he even sleepy?" Ahhh... moving to the next phase
Phase 3 - Irritation. Now it's almost 3:30 am. We've been up for an hour and Baby E doesn't seem interested in going to sleep. I'll give him one more shot. We'll rock and go through our bedtime routine then I'll lay him down. He can sleep or he can SCREAM. I DON"T CARE!
So that's what we tried next. 10 minutes of rocking and a story. Then 5 minutes of rocking and lulliby, then 10 more minutes of back patting while he lays in the crib. Still he is squirming and tossing and turning. I kissed him and told him it was bedtime then left the room. By the time I hit the door the screaming had started again. UGH! I was tired and at this point knew that Baby E just hated me and didn't want me to sleep. So I grabbed the monitor from beside the bed and let him fuss. I alerted the hubby as to what was going on and told him that in a few minutes I might need him to try soothing Baby E.
After 15 minutes of fussing, I decided that I would give it one more good try. I grabbed him and rocked him then tried to settle in on the couch. Again he was super squirmy but after a couple minutes he settled in and almost got to sleep. I laid him down thinking that he was going to bed, but the screaming started again.
Phase 4 - Exhaustion. Now it's 4am. I went and got the hubby but after we talked for a couple minutes I decided that there was no use in him getting up. By this time, even if I laid down it would be just 30 minutes or so until my 5am alarm clock so at this point I might as well just stay up. As I walked back to Baby E's room the tears began to fall. I grabbed Baby E and told him that he wasn't being fair. Mommie needs her sleep too. Mommie is tired and has to work in the morning. Please, please, please just go to sleep.
Rocking him in my arms I walked back to the couch in the living room while crying and again tried to settle him in to sleep on my chest. Again it wasn't happening. Eventually, I gave up on sleep all together. I just laid him down on the couch beside me and watched him. He was on his tummy scrunching his knees up in under himself, squirming, and whining a little. That's when it hit me.... He does that when his tummy hurts!
Phase 5 - Guilt (the optional phase). So this whole time he was trying to tell me that he was hurting but I wasn't listening. It was only when I reached the point of pure exhaustion and gave up on either of us ever sleeping again that I realized what was happening. I grabbed him and stretched him on his tummy across my knees and bounced him. He tooted a few times and within a couple of minutes was drooling on my arm then tried to move to a more comfortable spot to go to sleep.
He crawled up on me a little more and rolled over onto his back. I kept some pressure on his tummy with my hand and more gas came out. By 4:30 he was asleep in his own bed and I was back in mine. I reset the alarm for 5:30 instead of 5:00 and decided to try to sleep for a few minutes.
Phase 6 - The Hangover. I did get up and dressed at 5:30. Then I ate breakfast and went to wake up Baby E to get him dressed for daycare. I turned on a dim light and he woke a little. When I picked him up he went right back to sleep on my shoulder. He was so sleepy this morning that he slept through me taking of his pajamas, changing his diaper, and putting on his clothes. He only woke when we were ready to walk out the door to get in the car. I kind of envy him for that.
I've never seen him sleep through a diaper change. In fact, they usually wake him so much that I do my best not to change a diaper in the middle of the night. Today I'm certain will be a tough day for him at daycare. He was still very tired and needed more sleep. Hopefully, he'll take a couple of nice long naps for them. As for me, I'll struggle through my workday being minimally productive. If I'm lucky, my 2 meeting will be interesting enough to hold my attention and prevent me from falling asleep. If I'm unlucky, I'll be awakened by the sound of my head hitting my desk. And that is just the first day... to me, the second day is always worse than the first day.
So there you have it, my 6 stages of the "My Baby Isn't Sleeping" Grief Process. What do you think? Are they acurate or am I completely off base?
Normally, Baby E sleeps very well and only lately has begun waking once during the night to eat. I hear this is part of the normal adjustment to our transition from formula to whole milk and that soon he will get the hang of eating more table food and return to sleeping through the night. So when our 11 pm feeding was short lived I returned to bed with the delusion of sleeping the remainder of the night undisturbed. WRONG!
At 2:30 Baby E woke me up screaming "MOMMIE". I looked at the monitor and knew he was safe, but still this was so unlike him that I rushed across the house suspecting some bad dream had startled him and he was scared.
At this point we enter the grief process...
Phase 1 - Delusion. We settled in in the rocking chair and he clamed down. I suspected this would be another quick cuddle session and we'd both be back to sleep in 15 minutes.
Phase 2 - Desperation. As we neared 3am, my thoughts began to turn to the fact that neither of us was going to be our best the next day if we don't both get back to sleep. So I reached the despration phase where you are willing to try anything. "Maybe you're hungry?"... I scooped him back up and we went back to the couch with more food. Two sips of bottle and he was done with that. He tries to go back to sleep but again he was squirmy. "Maybe you just need a little more Mommie time?... Let's get back to sleep then I'll lay on the couch with you for a while." 15 minutes of that and nope, he was still squirmy. "More bottle?" No. "More Cuddles?" No. "More Rocking?" Nope. "Please just go to sleep!"
Baby E was not comfy and could not get comfy. He would on occasion lay still in my arms but his eyes were wide open just staring at me. I thought, "Is he even sleepy?" Ahhh... moving to the next phase
Phase 3 - Irritation. Now it's almost 3:30 am. We've been up for an hour and Baby E doesn't seem interested in going to sleep. I'll give him one more shot. We'll rock and go through our bedtime routine then I'll lay him down. He can sleep or he can SCREAM. I DON"T CARE!
So that's what we tried next. 10 minutes of rocking and a story. Then 5 minutes of rocking and lulliby, then 10 more minutes of back patting while he lays in the crib. Still he is squirming and tossing and turning. I kissed him and told him it was bedtime then left the room. By the time I hit the door the screaming had started again. UGH! I was tired and at this point knew that Baby E just hated me and didn't want me to sleep. So I grabbed the monitor from beside the bed and let him fuss. I alerted the hubby as to what was going on and told him that in a few minutes I might need him to try soothing Baby E.
After 15 minutes of fussing, I decided that I would give it one more good try. I grabbed him and rocked him then tried to settle in on the couch. Again he was super squirmy but after a couple minutes he settled in and almost got to sleep. I laid him down thinking that he was going to bed, but the screaming started again.
Phase 4 - Exhaustion. Now it's 4am. I went and got the hubby but after we talked for a couple minutes I decided that there was no use in him getting up. By this time, even if I laid down it would be just 30 minutes or so until my 5am alarm clock so at this point I might as well just stay up. As I walked back to Baby E's room the tears began to fall. I grabbed Baby E and told him that he wasn't being fair. Mommie needs her sleep too. Mommie is tired and has to work in the morning. Please, please, please just go to sleep.
Rocking him in my arms I walked back to the couch in the living room while crying and again tried to settle him in to sleep on my chest. Again it wasn't happening. Eventually, I gave up on sleep all together. I just laid him down on the couch beside me and watched him. He was on his tummy scrunching his knees up in under himself, squirming, and whining a little. That's when it hit me.... He does that when his tummy hurts!
Phase 5 - Guilt (the optional phase). So this whole time he was trying to tell me that he was hurting but I wasn't listening. It was only when I reached the point of pure exhaustion and gave up on either of us ever sleeping again that I realized what was happening. I grabbed him and stretched him on his tummy across my knees and bounced him. He tooted a few times and within a couple of minutes was drooling on my arm then tried to move to a more comfortable spot to go to sleep.
He crawled up on me a little more and rolled over onto his back. I kept some pressure on his tummy with my hand and more gas came out. By 4:30 he was asleep in his own bed and I was back in mine. I reset the alarm for 5:30 instead of 5:00 and decided to try to sleep for a few minutes.
Phase 6 - The Hangover. I did get up and dressed at 5:30. Then I ate breakfast and went to wake up Baby E to get him dressed for daycare. I turned on a dim light and he woke a little. When I picked him up he went right back to sleep on my shoulder. He was so sleepy this morning that he slept through me taking of his pajamas, changing his diaper, and putting on his clothes. He only woke when we were ready to walk out the door to get in the car. I kind of envy him for that.
I've never seen him sleep through a diaper change. In fact, they usually wake him so much that I do my best not to change a diaper in the middle of the night. Today I'm certain will be a tough day for him at daycare. He was still very tired and needed more sleep. Hopefully, he'll take a couple of nice long naps for them. As for me, I'll struggle through my workday being minimally productive. If I'm lucky, my 2 meeting will be interesting enough to hold my attention and prevent me from falling asleep. If I'm unlucky, I'll be awakened by the sound of my head hitting my desk. And that is just the first day... to me, the second day is always worse than the first day.
So there you have it, my 6 stages of the "My Baby Isn't Sleeping" Grief Process. What do you think? Are they acurate or am I completely off base?
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