Ugly: First Pair of Shoes = Epic Fail!

When Baby E was a tiny baby, we tried putting shoes on him exactly 2 times.  The first time, at around 6 weeks old, we tried these tiny little sneakers.  Baby E curlled his little feet up into tiny balls, we thought we finally got the shoes on, and 5 minutes later, they were falling in the floor.  He hated shoes so much from the get go that I vowed not to worry about it until he started walking

The next time we tried shoes was a month of two ago as we worked our way through a couple of bags of hand-me-downs.  I saw these little shoes and knowing that winter was coming and that time was drawing near when we would NEED shoes to protect our little walker, I decided to try again.  It went almost as badly as the first time.  I gave up in a matter of minutes declaring all the shoes the wrong size.  I don't know yet whether or not I was wrong, but I plan to go back through the shoes and find out this weekend.

Yesterday my mom picked Baby E up from daycare early and brought him to meet me after work.  It was time to fight the shoe battle and with his fat feet we knew there would be no choice but to go to the Stride Rite store and get some good walking shoes.  I talked it up big and tried to get him excited about his big boy shoes, but I think he knew all along that this was not going to be something he enjoyed. 

As we drove from my office to the store across town, Baby E sat in the back seat saying "Nanananana... Dadadada" (translation... daddy says I don't need these expensive shoes and I don't want them!).  B had already asked how many people I thought had learned to walk throughout history without $40 baby shoes... I just hate it when I don't have an argument! So as Baby E sat there saying "Nanananana... Dadadadada".  I had this feeling of dread that this was not going to be pretty. 

We got to the store and the first step was to measure his little foot.  The right foot went well, but apparently Baby E has a complex about his left foot.  When the sales clerk sat his left foot on the metal foot measurer thingy (yes that is a technical term), Baby E began to get angry.  Well we did discover that he was going to need a 4 1/2 wide or possibly an extra wide.  We picked out a pair or two of the "learn to walk" level 2 shoes to try on and then the fun started.  The toes curled, the feet balled up, and eventually, we straightened his right foot out enough to get the shoe on.  Whew... 1 down 1 to go.  Then the left foot.  The best we could ever do in the store was to get the left shoe on with his toes still curlled up.  The clerk said to stand him up and let him do some walking in them and eventually he'll uncurl those toes.  WRONG!

The first pair of shoes we tried.  The soft soles are meant to mimic walking barefoot.

Baby E tried very uncomfortably to walk in those shoes crying almost the whole time.  He was walking pidgeon toed, rolling his ankle over, and doing just about everything except walking like he normally does.  I felt like a mean mom who was torturing her child.  We pulled off that pair of shoes and attempted to try on a second pair but never even got into them.  The sales clerk suggested we move to an extra wide to give him some more room since the velcro straps on the wide shoes were just barely holding on. 



Pair #2... The ones we didn't even get on. 



Hoping that he was just uncomfortable and the shoes didn't fit, I agreed.  The kicker was that to get a shoe in an extra wide size we'd have to go to the level 3 "I know how to walk" shoes.  So I picked out another pair to try on and we went through the whole foot curling, toe scrunching process again.  Again, Baby E couldn't really walk in these shoes and now he was getting tired and hungry.  Ugh! I gave up on this being a pleasant experiance. 

The extra wide shoes did look like they fit better.  The velcro would at least close all the way.  So this tired mom handed her tired hungry baby to his grandmother and paid for the expensive shoes.  We left the shoes on Baby E's feet hoping that if we wore them while he was in the carseat he'd get a little more accustomed to them.  Any exposure is good, right???  He kept them on for about half the ride home (the half that he slept through).  Then he was pulling and tugging at them and getting generally ticked off.  We surrendered and took off the shoes.  It didn't fix things but it helped a little and we eventually made it home.

The winner... Level 3, not that he can walk in these either!



This morning the torture began again.  While Baby E was eating I pulled on some thin socks (since last night his feet were sweating when we pulled the shoes off) and then started getting the shoes on.  This morning, the right shoe went right on without any problems.  The left foot was trouble again!  The first attempt ended with the shoe in the floor.  I decided we'd put it back on in the car.  With Baby E strapped in, B and I tried for what felt like 5 minutes to get the shoe back on.  After much work and some tears from Baby E, we had it back on (I think). 

Baby E sulked all the way to daycare.  He usually babbles happily and plays but today he just sat and stared at us with a look saying "I don't like either one of you right now."  Normally when we get to daycare, he doesn't want to leave my arms.  Today he reached for Miss Angela and watched me leave without a tear.  I think he was just a little angry with me.  I told Miss Anglea to try to keep the shoes on until 8:00.  That would leave them on around 1 1/2 hours and we'll just build up from there.  I don't know how its going to go.  I'm hoping that with all the other kids around he might forget that he's wearing shoes and just fall into playing.  It should be a busy day since today is their Christmas party.  With any luck, there will be lots of distraction today especially. 

I'm not going to call today to see how things are going because with the party and everything I know that the ladies are super busy.  But I'm definately interested to find out how things went this morning when we pick Baby E up this afternoon.  I do hope he didn't fuss too much for them.  I know I'm dreaming but wouldn't it be wonderful to pick him up and find him still wearing his shoes?  Naaaaa... that is just too much to hope for. 

There hasn't been much that I've done with Baby E that I'm sure I'll do different with Baby #2, but this will be one thing.  Prepare yourself Baby #2.  You will be wearing shoes frequently from the day you are born.  I won't create another battle like this one to fight.

Beautiful - Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Lately, Baby E has discovered that the television is more than a large box that makes noise in our house.  He has begun to actually watch the TV.  He is especially fond of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the Disney channel and I think it's wonderful. 

Now I know that saying that television is a good thing for a 10 month old to notice is highly controversial these days.  I've read the articles and books that say we shouldn't even expose children under 3 or 4 to television.  But, let's face it, most of us live in the real world.  At my house, if we're home and awake, the television is most likely on.  We might not even be watching it, but it makes some noise and I can usually check the news as I'm going by while doing laundry, cleaning, chasing Eli, etc. 

My personal belief on television is that if it becomes a problem, we'll set some reasonable limits for our children and stick to them.  For the most part, our TV stays on the news or some semi-educational programming (History Channel, Discovery, NatGeo, etc) or on the news.  So I don't necessarily mind it being on when Baby E is in the room. For the most part he ignores it and plays and does his own thing.  As long as that it the case and whatever is on is reasonably child friendly, I'm fine with him being exposed to the television.  B and I can watch more adult programming after Baby E is in bed (if we can stay awake long enough). 

Once a night though, we try to turn on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for Baby E.  I've started recording it with the DVR so we can just start and stop it whenever we want.  Baby E LOVES it.  There is lots of shape naming, counting, some problem solving, and at the end you get to do the hot dog dance.  The hot dog dance is definately Baby E's favorite part.  He loves to sing and dance along with his favorite characters on the television.  Sometimes we even skip parts of the rest of the show just to do the hot dog dance.  While he's watching it gives us (Mom and Dad) a chance to talk with him about what he's seeing and to count and play along with the television. 

Personally, I can't find anything bad about baby E watching this 20 minutes of TV a night.  He enjoys it a great deal and it's semi-educational.  My personal belief is that television watching for children is like anything else... as long as it's done in moderation there is nothing wrong with it.  As Baby E grows if I find that he'd rather spend a nice warm day in front of the television than outside playing, we'll set some ground rules and limits then.  I like to think I'll someday approach other things (eating sweets, video games, etc.) with the same sort of balanced logic. 

What are your thoughts about television for little ones?  For, against, neutral and why? 

Beautiful Bathtime

When I started thsi blog I promised that I would share the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Many parts of motherhood are ugly (the entire pregnancy, childbirth, and recovery process for example).  And at times things can seem pretty bad (like those first few days when mom and baby never sleep more than 2 consecutive hours at a time).  But sometimes, most of the time in fact, being a mom is a really really good thing. 

Over the last couple of days, we've had lots of good in our house.  Baby E is beginning to enjoy some things that he hasn't previously, like bathtime.  Bathtime was never a screaming match and Baby E was always reasonably calm and content to sit in his tub in the sink and let me bathe him.  We rarely had a screaming fit unless he was exceptionally tired and just ready to go to bed.  But in the last couple of weeks we realized that Baby E was just too big for the sink anymore, so we moved him to the big tub.  He LOVES it!!!

Now when we get home in the evenings, it's inevitable that he'll work his way toward the bathroom saying "bath, bath, bath" over and over.  When we go into the bathroom, he pulls up on the edge of the tub and stands waiting to be undressed so that he can get into the tub.  While he waits, he bangs on the tub edge in excitement. 

We are still trying to keep baths down to every other day right now simply because Baby E's skin can get a little dry (especially during colder weather) and he hates having lotion put on him.  So to spare him the need for regular lubing up with baby lotion, we only bathe every other night.  I'm afraid that may soon change though given how much he seems to enjoy bathtime.  When he's in the tub he loves to splash the water and pour it in and out of two cups that we use for rinsing him off. 

Bathtime has quickly gone from a chore to one of our favorite parts of the day. It is wonderful to see a happy baby splashing and playing in the water then to pull him out and get those wonderful last cuddles of the evening.  Had I known how much fun he'd have in the big tub we'd have moved over way sooner. 



A happy camper playing in the tub.




Splish splash we are taking a bath!




He makes this serious face when he's really working to figure something out.  Here I think he's trying to understand why the cups are under water. 



Men are Weenies... but we love them anyway (Most Days)

Newsflash!!!!   MEN ARE WEENIES. 

This past Sunday morning, I was awakened by my darline son at 5 am.  He was coughing and crying obviously in desperate need of his mommie.  He usually doesn't wake until at least 6 am but given the fact that we've been fighting a cold for a couple of week, I wasn't exactly shocked. 

I went into Baby E's room and scooped him up.  We ate a bottle while we sat on the couch in the dark and within seconds of finishing he was back to sleep.  To help him get some much-needed extra rest, I let him sleep on my chest while I cat-napped propped on 2 pillows at one end of the couch.  That let Baby E get another 2 hours of sleep without bone rattling coughing spells and got me some much-needed extra rest too. 

I needed the extra rest because I had already been up most of the night.  Apparently, Baby E was kind and shared his cold with me, so I was up and down a million times blowing my nose, sneezing, and generally not breathing well.  So now between being pregnant and sick, I awoke to a sickly child.  When Baby E woke again around 7:30 or so, he was on go.  At least he didn't realize that he felt bad.  But that meant that this already sick and very tired mom had to chase a 10 month old all over the house. 

I was doing my best to be kind to my hubby, B.  He had spent the entire previous week on a hunting trip in Ohio and was still trying to recover from a couple of sleepless nights.  However, I'll freely admit that I was counting the minutes until he woke up and I got some help... that time never came. 

When B did finally roll out of bed for all of 5 minutes, he said that he was very sick.  He sat on the couch with his head between his knees and then promptly went back to bed.  Lovely!

After B got back into bed, he called to me and asked if I would please bring him some crystal light lemonade.  I'm sure the look on my face was incredulous.  I'm sick, I've been up all night, I'm taking care of a sick baby, and you want me to wait on you???  I know I'm dreaming.  Wake Up, Wake UP, WAKE UP!

Alas, it wasn't a dream.  B was indeed very ill (fever, nausea, the works), Baby E was sickly, and I was feeling like doing anything more than spending the day on the couch would be the equivalent of climing Mt. Everest.  But guess what??? When you're the Mommie, you don't get sick days.

(Semi-random thought:  Apparently Daddys do get sick days.  Do they have a better union than we do?  And how is it exactly that I find the person with whom I can renegotiate my mom contract?)

So after fetching B his drink, I started trying to figure out how I would survive the day.   For starters, I would need to run to a store at some point and buy some Pedia-lite for Baby E and some pregnancy-safe meds for me (not that those would actually work, but at least maybe I'll get a placebo effect).   So I headed to the bathroom to try to get ready for the day.  While I was washing my face, Baby E seemed to be playing happily in the floor.  He was perfectly happy right up until he knocked a candle into the bath tub and glass shattered all over the tub floor.  After calming Baby E down, I finished washing my face and brushing my teeth then proceeded to try to clean up the glass from the tub (at least it was all in one place).   At some point B came in to see what the commotion was but then went right back to bed. 

So now I'm cleaning glass out of the tub with one hand, and trying to keep the 10 month old out of the trash can full of glass with the other hand.  Eventually, Baby E turned to play with something else so I was able to begin to make some real headway with the glass cleanup.  Well, Baby E had found my giant Warehouse Club bottle of Zyrtec (with a childproof cap).  I thought with the cap on tightly it would be safe enough to let him rattle it and teeth on the lid.  WRONG AGAIN!  Just as I'm about to finish the glass cleanup I heard the unmistakable sound of a thousand tiny pills scattering on the tile floor.  Then I turned to see the 10 month old sitting in the middle of all those pills.  Could this day get any better? 

As my exhausted body met with complete and total frustraition the tears began to fall.  I moved the 10 month old out of the pile of pills and became a human road block between him and the pills as he squirmed and screamed while trying to get around me.  Eventually Baby E gave up and sat and cried.  So this tired mom cried too.  I sobbed like a little girl while I tried to gather all those pills from the floor and recollect them into the bottle.   Then it was time to calm both myself and my child down. 

Once I got us both a little settled, I called my mom on the phone and begged for help.  I needed a babysitter just long enough that I could run to the store and grab a couple things to get this sick family through the day.  But by the time that my mom could get to the house, B's symptoms combined with a cronic condition to make us suspect that his gallbladder might be ready to rupture.  So off to the emergency room we went.  I left our sick child at home with my mom, I got myself dressed, and then I drove B to the hospital to sit and wait for 6 hours while they ran tests and bloodwork and X-rays.  All to find out that B has a virus. 

As I sat in those hard plastic chairs pregnant, sick myself, and watching my husband sleep on what I know for a fact to be one of the most uncomfortable cots around, I was a little jealous.  Here he was... sick, getting all kinds of care and waiting on, and sleeping in spite of everything.  Meanwhile my sick, exhausted, pregnant butt was going numb on a hard chair as I fought off periodic dizzy spells.  And earlier I thought my day couldn't get worse. 

Eventually, we did make it home.  I did manage to grab myself and my child some medicine at a pharmacy and my wonderful mother-in-law came and stayed the night with us to give me a hand yesterday.  Did I mention that it also took 1.5 hours to get Baby E down for the night?  Yep, normally we have no problems... Sunday night it was terrible.  Just one of those days, I guess.

Yesterday (Monday) all 3 of us stayed home from work/daycare.  I took Baby E to the doctor to get him an anti-biotic, and B went to his doctor (driven by his mom) to see if he needed some other kind of medication and whether or not he should be around me and Baby E.  He checked out okay with his doctor and eventually we all made it to bed last night.  Let me tell you it wasn't a moment too soon.  By bedtime, B said he was feeling better, Baby E was fairly tired and went down with no fuss, and I was still just as sick as the day before and still hadn't gotten any extra sleep in 2 days. 

Last night wasn't a good night for Baby E.  I guess the male gene kicked in because he woke up a 10:30 pm crying.  He again needed to be held and loved.  After an hour, I laid him back down but he woke right back up and proceeded to play in his crib for another hour.  I sat on the sofa in the living room watching the monitor until he went back to sleep.  Needless to say when the alram went off at 5 am this morning, I again didn't want to get up.  But I did.  I got up and drug myself around getting ready, packing lunches, and getting Baby E up and dressed. 

Just before we were ready to leave the house B annouced he was feeling bad and staying home again.  I had hoped that he would drive us to work and I could sleep for 30 minutes in the car.  No dice again.  He called at 10 this morning to tell me he'd just gotten out of bed (lucky dog).  I wanted to stay home too, but since I'm having a baby in May, I have to save every minute that I can.  Plus, if I had stayed at home I would have felt like I needed to keep Baby E at home too.  I haven't heard from the daycare so I assume Baby E is having a good day.  If not, I don't want to know about it yet.  I have 2 more hours before I get off work and have to go pick up more meds and formula.  Then I'm going home.  I hope that B is in the mood for leftovers because I'm dang sure not cooking. 

To be perfectly honest, I was a little angry at B this morning for staying at home.  Maybe not angry, maybe just jealous.  I think the last few days have taken every last ounce of sympathy out of me.  I no longer have the ability to feel bad for B.  I do wish he would feel better, but almost as much for me to have some help again as for him to not be sick.  It's not that I don't love my husband... I do very much.  But I no longer have the energy in me to take care of 3 sick people.  I'm tired, I'm frustraited, and I really just wish than men had to "man up" the way we women have to when we're sick. 

Maybe I'll feel better once I can breathe again (if that ever happens).  How do you cope when your man is sickly? 

Fears and Hopeful Changes

So it's been more than 2 months since my last post, but I promise I'm still here and, yes, still pregnant.  I'm now 13 weeks along staring down the barrel of the next 27 long weeks. 

Thus far, we haven't shared the news with anyone (well, almost anyone).  B's mom visited and found an ultrasound picture left sitting on the table (oops!).  And B told a friend who was trying to help him find a new four-wheeler to buy (not going to be happening now).  But for the most part, our families and friends don't know. 

With my first pregnancy I wasn't excited about telling my family that I was expecting, but I couldn't wait to tell B's family.  This time, I'm not terribly excited about telling anybody.  I guess I think that if I just keep it to myself it won't really happen, but we all know that isn't the case.  And I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm more than a little scared about what life will be like with 2 babies under 2 in the house. 

Baby E will be 14 months old when Baby #2 is born.  Right now, Baby E is very very clingy and wants his Mama more than anybody.  Lots of days it's almost impossible to cook supper because I have to do it with Baby E on my hip.  Thank goodness for crock pots and casseroles.  Anything that I can get ready after Baby E goes to bed and pop in the oven or get out of the crock pot when I get home the next afternoon is God-sent.  What scares me is how I'll manage to hold 2 babies at once, how I'll be able to give each of them the time they need, how I'll manage when B has to go away on business for a week, how do I keep a 1.5 year old entertained while I feed a newborn?  How do you do it???? And, oh, how will I ever again find time for a shower when there are 2 of them needing me every second? 

Until yesterday I also worried about how I would manage to do everything around the house that needed doing.  For the last 3 months or so, I've felt a little like a single mom who had a baby and a grown child to care for.  B has been stressed to the limit as he preparred to take a licensure exam for his job.  He was gone every weekend for the past 8 weeks to a class and tried to find time to study every night.  This left me with all the housework, the yard work (on weekends while Baby E was with grandparents), the cooking, the cleaning, and full-time Baby E duties.  Then periodically, hubby gets all depressed saying I don't love him anymore because I never want to make love.  With everything already on my plate, I just felt like love-making was one more chore to add to the list.  Sleep seemed very much preferable to a roll in the hay. 

But this week, things have been somehow different.  B is helping out more when we get home from work rather than just sitting on the couch grumbling because he's having to hold Baby E while I cook supper.  Last night, while I fed and cuddled Baby E after work, Hubby did all the dishes and finished up supper.  I had some pork chops in the crock pot and he cooked some green beans and potatoes to go with it.  Then I fed Baby E while he ate and he distracted Baby E while I ate.  After supper, he did the dishes while I did bathtime.  And he really didn't complain at all.  It was wonderful to feel like I had a partner in all of this again.  It was so good in fact, that I rewarded him with a little "hubby time".  Last night, instead of going to bed exhausted, overwhelmed, and frustrated we both went to bed happy.  It was heavenly. 

Cravings, Cramps, and Moodiness

Ahhhh... Pregnancy.  You've got to love it. 

All in all I'm fortunate in that throughout my first pregnancy (and so far into this one) I haven't had any real morning sickness.  I count myself lucky for that.  I do occasionally have very mild nausea but it's nothing that can't be coped with or that lasts very long usually. 

But that doesn't mean that I don't have other un-fun things to deal with.  This time, the early pregnancy cramping has been much more noticable than last time.  I know that it is normal but it's definately not fun.  Add to that some serious moodiness and you have a recipe for disaster.  I feel like I live on the edge of insanity most days.  I'm fine pretty much everywhere but work.  Unfortunately, when I'm at work I tend to find myself having horribly mean thoughts about co-workers or basically anyone else who I happen to come into contact with.  I consider the work day a sucess if I can manage to keep my snarky comments under my breath or to myself. 

Also I've been having some serious cravings this time around.  Last time I don't think those showed up quite as quickly.  I've spent most of today online searching for recipes and thinking about all kinds of yummy foods.  Right now, I've got my mind set on some cinnamon rolls.  Those are always a weakness of mine, but right this second I can't seem to get them out of my head.  I'm also craving a seriously large meal at the Olive Garden.  Is that not crazy?  I see the commercials and think about a never-ending pasta bowl and breadsticks for the next 3 hours.   But alas, I must continue to fight off those cravings. 

The last pregnancy I worked very hard and managed to keep my weight gain right around 30 lbs.  If I can do that this time, when I'm 9 months pregnant I'll only weight a tiny bit more than I did before I was preganant the last time.  That would be a huge accomplishment.  So my cravings will go unanswered at the moment.  The good news is that I've located some new recipes that look super yummy to add to my cooking rotation that will at least be somewhat healthy. 

So that's where we stand today.  As this ugly beautiful pregnancy journey is just beginning again... moody, cramping, and dying to eat whatever kind of high fat high sugar goodness I can think of.  Wish me luck.  It may be a long 40 weeks.

Came to Work with Snot in My Hair

This morning baby E woke up snotty and coughing.  I've known a little fight with our seasonal allergies was coming so I've been prepping him for a few days with Zyrtec.  It's a good thing I have because he sounded rough this morning.  There was lots of coughing and a very snotty sounding nose.  Baby E woke up earlier than normal today thanks to all that coughing and his was very clingy.  I pretty well couldn't get him to pull his arms from around my neck for the first 20 minutes he was awake.  At some time in all that coughing I guess he managed to get something up because when I got to work this morning I noticed a clump of hair glued together on my neck.  It was stiff and nasty and my neck below it was sticky.  Let me tell you it's lovely.  I'm at work and I have baby snot or mucus on me.   The funny thing is I love that baby boy so much that it really isn't even a huge deal.  I went to the restroom and cleaned up as best I could.  I hope baby boy feels better now and I'd better remember to plug in the vaporizer tonight before bed.

Just When You Begin to Relax

Funny thing about parenting... just when you think you're beginning to get the hang of things and everyone (usually) sleeps through the night and life has settlted into a routine that allows you to keep your home and life in some reasonable sort of order.... life throws you a curve ball. 

Yes this weekend we discovered that baby #2 is on the way.  A moment later panic set in.  Where's the time gonna come from?  Where's the monkey gonna come from?  How are we possibly going to handle 2 children?  PANIC!!!!!   

Today heads are a little cooler and things seem calm enough on the surface, but my heart is still beating so fast that it feels like it's going to explode out of my chest.  Tomorrow I go to the doctor for an official confirmation.  We'll see how things go from there.

Finding Balance

If anyone is still out there at all I promise I'm not dead.  I'm just a mom.  I thought this would be a great place for me to have to vent and discuss things we're currently going through in our home and all kinds of things, but right now it's just another thing that isn't getting done. 

Today I find myself struggling to find balance.  You see, I'm not a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).  I'm a full-time-and-then-some working professional mom.  I love my job and I really don't think I'm cut out for the SAHM lifestyle (though there are times when it sounds lovely).  However, I'm sure that this is definatley one of those grass being greener on the other side scenarios. 

In any event, this week I'm a little hormonal (read PMS-ing) and I've fallen into the trap of becoming a Mommy Martyr.  I believe we all fall into that mode from time to time, but I know that I personally have a high propensity for getting there.  I've always been one of those Type A personalities who wants to be everything for everyone and be perfect at it.  But none of us are perfect and no mom to a 7 month old baby has time to do everything on the to-do list. 

Let me walk you through my normal day. 

• 5:00 am: Leap from bed and throw the alarm clock through the wall (I hate that stupid thing).  Let the dogs out to pee, take meds, and begin getting dressed for the day.
• 5:20 am: Check the clock and notice that 20 minutes have passed and you still haven't fixed your hair.
• 5:30 am: Finish fixing hair and makeup, throw on any work-appropriate clothing you can find in the closet.  Wake up husband (the 1st time). Go to the kitchen to fix lunches.
• 5:40 am: Lunches ready to go.  Wake up husband again (2nd time).  Do some other necessary housework.  (fold laundry, empty dishwasher, start supper for that night, pick up toys, etc.)
• 5:45 am:  Make sure/Wake up husband again (3rd and final time ususally).  Let dogs out again. More housework.
• 6:00 am:  Make sure husband is finally in the shower.  Finish up any last little chore I can before getting baby up.
• 6:10 am:  Get baby up, changed, dressed, and ready for daycare. 
• 6:20 am: Remind husband that it's almost time to go.  Play with baby and take baby to play with hubby for a minute while hubby finishes dressing.  Let dogs out to pee one last time.
• 6:30 am:  Running late... just now leaving house when we should have left 5 minutes ago. 
• 6:35 am:  Drop baby at daycare, stop and get gas (if needed), drive to work.
• 7:20 am:  Arrive at work (45 minutes from home).  Realize that I still haven't eaten breakfast.  Go to breakroom and warm up some of the oatmeal I keep stashed in my desk. 
• 7:30 am:  Finally at the desk and eating breakfast.  Check e-mail, calendar, and get settled in for work.  Workday may be super busy or not (varys day to day).  Inevitable that there will be some stupid person to deal with.
• 12:00 pm:  Finally time for lunch.  Grab my brown-bagged lunch and eat while working.
• 4:00 pm:  May be finished working or may work up to another hour.
• 4:30 pm:  Typical time to head home.  Drive for 45 minutes.
• 5:15 pm:  Pick up baby from daycare and head home.
• 5:30 pm:  Get into house, let dogs out to pee, change out of work clothes,  fix supper while trying to play with baby who has now missed his late afternoon nap.  Recruit hubby to play with baby for a few.
• 6:00 pm:  Supper is ready.  Hubby eats while I attempt to eat and feed baby at the same time. 
• 6:30 pm:  Clean up supper while baby plays in high chair. 
• 6:40 pm:  Baby is screaming and tired of the high chair.  Leave dishes for tomorrow morning, wipe baby's face, and get started on bathtime. 
• 7:00 pm:  Baby's bath is finished, Now it's time for a diaper, PJs, and playing in the floor with baby.  Sometimes I can fold some clothes or something during this time too.  It all depends on how happy baby is.
• 8:00 pm:  Almost bedtime for baby.  Settle in on the couch with a bottle and a book to read to him.  Rock baby to sleep.
• 8:45 pm:  Baby has finally settled down and gone to sleep.  Take him to bed. Then pick up any toys so that dogs don't eat them, put remaining bottle in fridge, let dogs out to pee.
• 9:00 pm:  Hubby goes to bed and I hop in the shower.  (It's more efficient to shower at night than to have to spend time drying my hair in the morning). 
• 9:20 pm:  Shower is done.  Turn off lights and fall into bed.  On a good night I only wake up and check the baby monitor 3-4 times.  By 4:00 am I'll be waking up every 20 minutes checking the clock. 

So you can see that there is almost no time remaining in my schedule.  I could try and do with less sleep, but if I don't get at least 7 hours a night I'll be sick at the end of a month (and there really isn't time for sick).  But all-in-all, I just don't have the time to get everything done.  It's not even close.  I'm learning to let the housework go as much as possible.  But sometimes, having a dirty house just makes me crazy and I can't let it go.  Then everything starts to build up until I explode. 

So that is where I am now... all built up and ready to explode.  Last night the baby blessed me and fell asleep on the couch at 7:15.  I put him to bed just after 8.  Wow... I got a whole hour back.  I jumped into action and went to clean the kitchen.  Then hubby comes into the kitchen and starts messing with me.  At first I couldn't tell if he was just aggrivating me or trying to turn me on.  I probably snapped at him and told him to go away too quickly but I was already feeling stressed. 

You see, typically, while I bathe, feed, and play with baby he sits at the computer or watches TV.  Now that is bad enough.  I already feel like I'm doing everything and don't have a minute to breathe yet he has time to surf the web aimlessly.  But at least he's present in the room and if I need something I can ususally get him to bring me a bottle or a diaper or something.  But last night while I did all my running around, he stayed on the phone in another room.  So I was really on my own with no help whatsoever. 

But back-to-the sexing me up part of the story.  After I put the baby in bed I ran to try to get some things finished up in the kitchen.  Then he comes in apparently trying to sex-me-up.  Part of me probably knew what he was really after (and it was just sex-type things for him).  To further complicate our situation, I can't take any form or birth control due to the hormones in them.  So it's either a condom (which he practially refuses) or careful timing (which means we can only do it like 1 week a month).  That means we have like no sex life at all (at least I don't).  Hubby still feels that he should get "special treatment" to satisfy his "problems" from time to time.  That is no fun for me and really just feels like sucking another 20-30 very unpleasant minutes out of my day.  So to say I'm not thrilled when he requests that is an understatement. 

So last night after I snapped at him a little too quickly, I got the cold shoulder and spent what could have been an hour getting more things done or catching up on sleep appologizing and promising "special treatment" tonight.  Now today, I'm more stressed out than yesterday and dreading going home.  I feel resentful toward my husband for adding one more item to my to-do list.  I have fallen deep into the Mommy Martyr pit of despair.  The fact that we can't actually have sex very often leaves me feeling less like a loved wife and more like a cheap prostitute, mostly because by the time we can enjoy the real thing Hubby is so revved up that he doesn't take the time to make love.  It's more a wham-bam-thank-you-maam. 

So how do I plan on pulling myself out of this abyss?  Well I'm not quite sure yet.  Part 1 of my plan involves me making some attitude adjustments.  I can't let myself stay in this pit and I'm the only one who can do something about it.  I hear that working out can relieve some of the stress so I'm going to go try to spend 30 minutes on the treadmill this afternoon during my lunch break.  Part 2 should probably be a nice long talk with Hubby about how I'm feeling.  I have lots of trouble doing this and he has even more trouble actually talking about his feelings.  But what I want is to get everything on the table so that we can begin to address the issue.  I haven't quite figured out what Part 3 needs to be, but maybe Hubby and I can figure that part out together. 

In the meantime... I'd be curious to know what your thoughts are?

Frustrations

I have a confession.  Sometimes I get frustraited with my baby.   Not just a little... a lot!   He is now 4 1/2 months old and usually he's completely adorable.  But since he's learned how to roll over, he sometimes uses that little trick to express his frustration.  If he's sitting on my lap and decides he's not comfortable or isn't happy, he'll arch his back and roll to his left.  It makes it very difficult to hang onto him and is incredibly frustrating when you're trying to feed him. 

At times he's just cranky and it doesn't matter what you do, he's not satisfied.  As his mommie, it's my job to make it better but I sometimes just can't figure it out.  Incidently the answer is usually that he's tired but doesn't want to go to sleep.  But in those 30 minutes or so before I realize what's happening, I can become so stressed that I almost get angry.

These isn't the first times I've been frustraited with him though.  When he was a newborn we had a couple of days and nights when it just seemed like he screamed nonstop.  He has never cried much so this was torture for me.  I just couldn't figure out what was wrong.  After 48 straight hours without any real sleep, I was exceptionally frustraited.  It was at that point that I understood how someone could shake a baby.  Please understand that I never shook him, but I was frustraited and exhausted and I suddenly saw how someone could be driven to that.  It turned out that he had a very upset tummy and switching formulas made a world of difference.  But that 2 day period almost broke me.  At one point I even sat on the couch and cried with him for a couple hours just to let go of some of the stress. 

Then there are the men in our lives... I love my husband dearly.  He is a wonderful man and a great father to our baby boy.  But he's still a man.  Over the last few days we've been working on getting Eli to sleep in his own bed instead of ours.  We want him to start sleeping in the pack-n-play in our bedroom so that we can later make the transition to the crib in his room.  This means that for the first few days I was up 3-4 times a night soothing him.  I typically got him and was out of our bedroom before he started screaming.  I would be up for 1 or 2 hours trying to lay him back down 3 or 4 times during that period.  To say I wasn't getting much sleep would be an understatement.  By the 4th night without sleep, I was at the point that I was HURTING.  I mean in physical pain due to lack of sleep.  My back ached so bad that I had to take a Tylenol to get comfortable so that I could go to sleep. 

About day 3 of this little weekend sleep-routine adventure I began to get irritable.  I would sit in the living room holding baby boy at 2 in the morning and become almost angered by the sound of my husband snoring in the other room.  How dare he sleep when I was so tired?!  Then around mid afternoon on day 4, I was saying how tired I was and he had the audacity to say that he was tired too.  "Ha!" I thought.  "I've not slept a full night in 4 days and you're tired." 

Even my poor doggies have taken some abuse due to my sleep deprivation and frustraition.  I've fussed at them without cause some this week or for shaking their heads and jinggling the tags on their collars as I worried they might wake the baby and disturb the few minutes of sleep I do get. 

Looking back now I know that me being the sleep deprived one was best for everyone.  Baby boy doesn't do well when his daddy tries to get him to sleep and daddy runs out of patience far too easily.  And to be perfectly honest, when my husband fails to get enough sleep, he is so cranky that I can't really deal with him.
As for the dogs, they are natrually forgiving creatures, and I'll have to be sure to bring them a new bone home from the grocery store

My point is this... During the journey of motherhood, I believe that it is common to become frustraited with your children, your husband, work colleagues, everyone and everything around you.   In fact, it is virtually inevitable.  What we can control is how we react to it and how we let it change us.  Take time, step back, and examine the situation.  When I do that, I can remember that this time with my baby boy when he needs and wants me around will be far too brief.  So if I am exhausted, angry, stressed, irritable, and frustraited with the world around me, I can take a deep breath and stop for a minute to enjoy the extra time with my baby boy... even at 2 in the morning.

Things I didn't really know until I got pregnant.

Congratulations! For better or worse you are now pregnant and within just 9 (more like 10) short months you'll be holding your little bundle of joy in your arms.  But before you witness those first breaths and count fingers and toes you have 10 long months ahead of you and multiple reality checks.  So with that, I present the following list of things that I didn't know until I actually became pregnant.

1. Pregnancy is a 10 month process.  -- We always hear about pregnancy being 9 months.  Well that is just plain WRONG.  Pregnancy is 40 weeks (starting from the first day of your last period).  Counting 4 weeks a month means that is take 10 (not 9) months to grow a baby.  Did you know this?  "Wait! I only signed on for 9 months.  Is it too late for a refund?"

2. While pregnant, a woman's sense of smell is on the same order of magnitude as the nose of a blood hound.  -- I first suspected I was pregnant while walking through the grocery store.  It was a Saturday and the store had a nice old lady dispensing free samples of some new frozen food they were carrying.  I smelled this food and my stomach immediately decided to reject the breakfast I'd eaten 3 hours before.  At first I thought I was crazy because I couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from.  5 aisles over, I finally ran into the food cart.  At least I wasn't crazy but I was very, very pregnant. 

3. Your due date is only as acurate as your record keeping. -- When I went for my first prenatal appointment I was asked the first date of my last period.  Well, I'm usually pretty good at writing that down, but the one month I forget happens to be the month I got pregnant.  When the doc asked for my date to compute my due date I had to guess.  When we had a first ultrasound a couple weeks later, it showed I was a week and a half behind what I'd estimated.  I spent the entire pregnancy with two due dates a week and a half apart.  It was anybody's guess.

4.  Being pregnant is not an excuse to eat anything and everything.  -- It turns out in the early weeks of pregnancy that you only need to consume about 300 more calories than normal to adequately nourish the child.  Eating way more than that will just result in excess weight gain and (if you have the same doctor that I do) lectures from your doctor. 

5.  Keeping something like that a secret is hard work.  -- Given everything that can happen in those first few weeks, hubby and I decided that the pregnacy would be our little secret until we were 3 months along.  Well that was a tough thing to do.  When we'd go eat dinner with my folks and I refused a glass of wine I had to say that I was dieting (not pregnant).  When someone's lunch at work would turn my stomach, I had to make excuses to step outside for relief.  I had to avoid being moodier than normal (or at least showing that I was moodier than normal) and I had to battle those evil hormones daily.  We ended up sharing the news sooner so that we weren't announcing our baby at a family member's wedding but while we were keeping things under wraps it was hard.

6.  The world doesn't stop just because you're expecting.  -- Expecting a child does not give you a free pass to lie around and do nothing all the time.  You'll feel like that's all you want to do, but that isn't how life works.  You still have to get out of bed in the morning and go to work.  You still have family functions, holidays, housework, laundry, and possibly other children to manage.  Oh, and don't forget that you now have to plan for there to be another person living with you in a few months.

Consignment Sale Shopping

These kiddos are expensive!  In addition to all the diapers and formula and doctor bills that we're buying our little man is going through clothes like nobody's business.  Seriously, we wear an outfit a couple of times before we've outgrown it.  It's just plain rediculous how fast they grow at this age. 

Given how fast these little babies grow up, I don't see any reason for purchasing new items at $10 an outfit.  I can get clothes that are in wonderful shape and are gently used at the local consignment sales that typically happen twice a year.  I went today and spent $40 and ended up with 13 clothing items, 3 Dr Brown's Bottles (normally $20 consigned for $8), a dishwasher basket (new $3, consigned $1), a sun screen for the car window (consigned for $1), and a new summer hat to keep the sun off of little man's face for just $2.  I estimate that if I'd purchased all of this new I'd have spent about $96.  So I consider today's haul a good day. 

While shopping today I realized 2 important things...
1.  I should not be buying more clothes in BabyE's current size.  I should be buying a size or two ahead of where he is now so that he will actually get to wear the clothes that I buy. 
2.  I've been to 4 sales so far this spring and gotten a thing or two at each of them but I haven't yet shopped on a 1/2 price day.  This habbit has seriously got to stop!  If I'm looking for something special (a new pack-n-play, a swing, a high chair, etc.) it's worth the extra to get first pick of the loot.  If I'm just looking for clothes and other things we might need in the future I can wait until the half price days to shop.  In the future, I may pick one sale each fall and spring to go to on the first day and get the things we really need and a few cute outfits.  All the other sales I will limit myself to half-price days only. At the larger sales there will be plenty left on the first 1/2 price day and I'll save way more. 

In my area I can find 10 consignment sales that won't be too hard to get to every fall or spring.  I'll probably actually make it to less than half of those but I have every opportunity to think through and actually get what we need without having to buy retail.  These sales are spaced out over roughly a 4 month period each fall and spring so managing to get to the sales shouldn't be a problem.  I'll consign items at one or two of the sales that I decide to shop early at (probably the smaller sales) the others I'll just drop by on the public shopping days.

If you're expecting a baby or already have one, you've got to check out some of these sales.  There are great bargains that can save you some cash and we can all use some extra cash in our pockets.

Deciding to Make a Baby

So you and your significant other have decided to make a baby.  Are you sure that you've thought this one through?  Yes, babies are lovely little things and the thoughts of counting those tiny fingers and toes can make all of us get a little giddy with excitement.  But... have you imagined the day that you go home from the hospital?

What's it going to be like on that first day when you find yourself in an empty house with just Mommie, Daddy, and Baby?  Yes, I know it's going to be blissful... you picture yourself rocking baby gently while he sleeps.  Yes that might happen, but eventually baby wakes and wants food, PRONTO! Now you and hubby are in a house with a screaming, hungry, baby.  "That's easy!" you say, "just feed baby."  Okay but baby is a newborn and your milk hasn't yet come in and you can't afford formula and baby isn't latching well and you were up all night trying to feed the night before and all he wants to do is scream.  In fact, he's not even attempting to nurse. 

Odds are the events that I've just described will happen to you at some point in the first few days that baby is at home.  We've all been there and we all know that at some point it is likely to happen.  If you are considering having a child and you haven't thought through and accepted this reality, it's time to do so. 

And while we're talking about realities, let's discuss money.  My hubby and I are both very well paid professionals.  We have nice steady jobs that we feel secure in with great benefits.  And yet, I'll freely admit that our finances were not nearly as prepared for baby as we would have liked.  Babies somehow cost more than anyone can possibly imagine.  We spent hundreds (not thousands because I'm cheap) prior to baby's arrival to prepare the house and a nursery.  Then there were hospital bills, doctor bills, and don't even get me started on how expensive diapers and formula are.  If you can't afford to double your grocery bill to afford diapers and formula, you too are not financially prepared. 

Oh, and don't forget in that budgeting for baby to set aside costs for daycare or be able to give up one person's income.  Daycare in my area can range from $300 to $1200 a month.  I live in a fairly low-cost area too so I can't imagine what daycare costs would be in urban areas.  In some cases it really is more economical for one parent to stay home than to pay for daycare. 

Now don't get me wrong, my baby boy is worth every single penny I spend on him.  I'd take a second or third job if necessary just to support him.  I love him and there isn't a single thing I wouldn't do for him.  I've learned to cope with his very occasional screaming fits and how to soothe him when nothing else will.  But at one point I was just sitting on the couch crying with my baby because he was crying and I didn't know what else to do.  If you are considering making a baby, you'd better think through the items above or you may find yourself in a very ugly situation. 

Welcome and Prepare Yourself

Hello there, World?  How you doin'? 

While taking a shower the other day and contemplating the fact that a certain completely clueless someone in my life is now expecting her first child I had this idea.  Really, the idea is an idea for a book, but I don't have time to write a book right now so for now this will just be a blog.  My idea is to document all the ugly beautiful truths about motherhood from creating a child to pregnancy to labor and delivery to parenting daily and on and on.  This may take a lifetime to write. 

I've been a mom to my first baby, a sweet wonderful little boy for almost 4 months now.  In that time I've been blessed beyond measure by the presence of my little boy.  Motherhood truly is beautiful.  But let's face it... it's an ugly job too.  There are poopy diapers, screaming fits, extreme guilt, spit-up, and exhaustion (and that's a good day).  I'm convinced that sometimes people like my clueless friend look at a beautiful pregnant woman or hold a newborn baby for 20 minutes and think that it is all just wonderful.  Well it is but it's not always so easy. 

My goal is to tell the straight-up, honest-to-goodness, no-holes-barred truth - the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.  Moms out there currently in the throws of experiancing pregnancy, a newborn baby, or toddler tantrums can find a place here to vent, commiserate, and laugh at ourselves.  We all know life is crazy and we'll all be a little better off if we can take a step back in our exhaustion and laugh at ourselves, each other, and our clueless friends who think mommie-dom is all pink and blue cupcakes.  Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a wild ride.