Things I didn't really know until I got pregnant.

Congratulations! For better or worse you are now pregnant and within just 9 (more like 10) short months you'll be holding your little bundle of joy in your arms.  But before you witness those first breaths and count fingers and toes you have 10 long months ahead of you and multiple reality checks.  So with that, I present the following list of things that I didn't know until I actually became pregnant.

1. Pregnancy is a 10 month process.  -- We always hear about pregnancy being 9 months.  Well that is just plain WRONG.  Pregnancy is 40 weeks (starting from the first day of your last period).  Counting 4 weeks a month means that is take 10 (not 9) months to grow a baby.  Did you know this?  "Wait! I only signed on for 9 months.  Is it too late for a refund?"

2. While pregnant, a woman's sense of smell is on the same order of magnitude as the nose of a blood hound.  -- I first suspected I was pregnant while walking through the grocery store.  It was a Saturday and the store had a nice old lady dispensing free samples of some new frozen food they were carrying.  I smelled this food and my stomach immediately decided to reject the breakfast I'd eaten 3 hours before.  At first I thought I was crazy because I couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from.  5 aisles over, I finally ran into the food cart.  At least I wasn't crazy but I was very, very pregnant. 

3. Your due date is only as acurate as your record keeping. -- When I went for my first prenatal appointment I was asked the first date of my last period.  Well, I'm usually pretty good at writing that down, but the one month I forget happens to be the month I got pregnant.  When the doc asked for my date to compute my due date I had to guess.  When we had a first ultrasound a couple weeks later, it showed I was a week and a half behind what I'd estimated.  I spent the entire pregnancy with two due dates a week and a half apart.  It was anybody's guess.

4.  Being pregnant is not an excuse to eat anything and everything.  -- It turns out in the early weeks of pregnancy that you only need to consume about 300 more calories than normal to adequately nourish the child.  Eating way more than that will just result in excess weight gain and (if you have the same doctor that I do) lectures from your doctor. 

5.  Keeping something like that a secret is hard work.  -- Given everything that can happen in those first few weeks, hubby and I decided that the pregnacy would be our little secret until we were 3 months along.  Well that was a tough thing to do.  When we'd go eat dinner with my folks and I refused a glass of wine I had to say that I was dieting (not pregnant).  When someone's lunch at work would turn my stomach, I had to make excuses to step outside for relief.  I had to avoid being moodier than normal (or at least showing that I was moodier than normal) and I had to battle those evil hormones daily.  We ended up sharing the news sooner so that we weren't announcing our baby at a family member's wedding but while we were keeping things under wraps it was hard.

6.  The world doesn't stop just because you're expecting.  -- Expecting a child does not give you a free pass to lie around and do nothing all the time.  You'll feel like that's all you want to do, but that isn't how life works.  You still have to get out of bed in the morning and go to work.  You still have family functions, holidays, housework, laundry, and possibly other children to manage.  Oh, and don't forget that you now have to plan for there to be another person living with you in a few months.

Deciding to Make a Baby

So you and your significant other have decided to make a baby.  Are you sure that you've thought this one through?  Yes, babies are lovely little things and the thoughts of counting those tiny fingers and toes can make all of us get a little giddy with excitement.  But... have you imagined the day that you go home from the hospital?

What's it going to be like on that first day when you find yourself in an empty house with just Mommie, Daddy, and Baby?  Yes, I know it's going to be blissful... you picture yourself rocking baby gently while he sleeps.  Yes that might happen, but eventually baby wakes and wants food, PRONTO! Now you and hubby are in a house with a screaming, hungry, baby.  "That's easy!" you say, "just feed baby."  Okay but baby is a newborn and your milk hasn't yet come in and you can't afford formula and baby isn't latching well and you were up all night trying to feed the night before and all he wants to do is scream.  In fact, he's not even attempting to nurse. 

Odds are the events that I've just described will happen to you at some point in the first few days that baby is at home.  We've all been there and we all know that at some point it is likely to happen.  If you are considering having a child and you haven't thought through and accepted this reality, it's time to do so. 

And while we're talking about realities, let's discuss money.  My hubby and I are both very well paid professionals.  We have nice steady jobs that we feel secure in with great benefits.  And yet, I'll freely admit that our finances were not nearly as prepared for baby as we would have liked.  Babies somehow cost more than anyone can possibly imagine.  We spent hundreds (not thousands because I'm cheap) prior to baby's arrival to prepare the house and a nursery.  Then there were hospital bills, doctor bills, and don't even get me started on how expensive diapers and formula are.  If you can't afford to double your grocery bill to afford diapers and formula, you too are not financially prepared. 

Oh, and don't forget in that budgeting for baby to set aside costs for daycare or be able to give up one person's income.  Daycare in my area can range from $300 to $1200 a month.  I live in a fairly low-cost area too so I can't imagine what daycare costs would be in urban areas.  In some cases it really is more economical for one parent to stay home than to pay for daycare. 

Now don't get me wrong, my baby boy is worth every single penny I spend on him.  I'd take a second or third job if necessary just to support him.  I love him and there isn't a single thing I wouldn't do for him.  I've learned to cope with his very occasional screaming fits and how to soothe him when nothing else will.  But at one point I was just sitting on the couch crying with my baby because he was crying and I didn't know what else to do.  If you are considering making a baby, you'd better think through the items above or you may find yourself in a very ugly situation.